People say ups and downs are always going to be part of our life…We just have to deal with them, and it’s how we deal with them that defines who we are or will be… well; I guess I’m finally beginning to understand this statement.
Life was very different as a kid - always great, always minus the troubles, always fun. I didn’t quite know the meaning of the words pressure, stress, unhappiness or loneliness. Gone are the days when school was just about being with friends, the days when I used to go down and just spend two hours playing with other children, when grandparents told me to have a good time and sleep early and be a good kid, instead of telling me to study hard and saying that they “are anxiously waiting for my good result”. Today my life is a whole new ball game, one that I’m presently not at all enjoying! I guess adolescence or the so called transition phase isn’t supposed to be that much fun anyway! It’s so hard to go on, when you don’t know where you’re going at all; to work but not know what you’re working for. Indecision has become integral part of my life now! Nothing is certain. I don’t know who I want to be. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. It’s extremely unnerving and frightening.
It’s strange when you see everyone changing before your eyes…everyone adapting, adjusting, and eventually forgetting and losing who they really are. It’s like you never knew them at all… Some say that people don’t really change; we just like to hope they do… I wonder if that’s true. Sometimes, i think that i should change too, and just go with the flow of the big bad world; but then I feel, maybe I’m probably just not meant to. Maybe my life is the way it is, for a reason…since everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe my life will turn around and not be as lonely and stressful as it is today...Maybe someday, I will change too, and adapt like everyone else does and let the barrier that’s always been there between me and most of the people around me, finally melt. Maybe, I will one day understand where all this is leading me, where me life is taking me, what my role in this fast paced world is and also find and be at peace with the person I’m meant to be. One thing i've learnt in the last few months is that change is something that will happen, no matter what; and is something we just have to come to terms with.
Bob Marley said, “Everyone is going to hurt you, you’ve just got to figure out who’s worth it”. I find this very difficult to grasp today, but someday I will. I will deal with everything I’m facing. Giving up just isn’t something I’m wired to do or something I’ve ever done.
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